tightroping

##Pack it up, Pack it in. Let me begin...

I have been struggling to manage responsibilities I took on as they all culminate in the same moment. While I agressively marketed the studio with Google Adwords, Facebook Ads and tons of posts and messages from my twitter and facebook account, things were coming together much slower than I hoped, while still creating a sense of light at the end of the tunnel. This felt so true that I pushed my travel back a few days to SF for Hack Reactor because I really thought I was close to making a deal. Now I'm not sure what the outcome will be, and any hope of it being resolved before I leave town is extinguished. And while I wanted a few days in SF to settle in before immersing into the insane program schedule, now I'm left with about 36 hours before the going head-first into the fire.

But, it's reminding me of some important facts of life that are easy to say and not easy to experience. For that, I am grateful. Many things are never in our control, so I prefer not to pin my happiness on my hopes. It's a bonus when they come true, but I can't let their fruition be my necessity.

It's terribly overwhelming to pack up the studio in the mindset of, possibly, not returning to it. There is a memory tucked into every nook. It has been a home for my passion and work, a home for my family and most recently a home for my new beginning. It's been a struggle to fully begin, however, among all these relics and ghosts. Packing up just unearths them and it feels all-the-more real, heavy, and sad.

The upside to my state of mind is that I can't wait for what's waiting for me, whatever it may be. It feels empowering to be facing such a big change with zero trepidation. I was sad to leave my intern post at AD60 and that makes me all-the-more stoked to become a 'real' coder. I haven't been in a 'formal' learning environment since 2001, so that's going to be quite a change of pace. I feel endlessly fortunate to have such an opportunity made available to me, and even more fortunate to have the ability to follow it down.

And the lingering question on my mind... Is this my last day living in New York City?